[ Reposted from my blog at Humanity+ Magazine ]

Recently I was added to a group on Facebook called Cyberpunked: Journal of Science, Technology, and Society. I was given a shout-out by a fan of my music and drawn into a few interesting discussions. Since Transhuman Separatism had a cyberpunk flavor to it I posted a link the Transhuman Separatist manifesto but explicitly mentioned that I was no longer affiliated with the movement. People are wondering why I am no longer involved with the old movement that I co-founded. Why did I leave Transhuman Separatism? Have I reformed my beliefs? Have I been cured all right?

Cyberpunk would be a good starting point here. Transhuman Separatism was cyberpunk. It was a fantasy. It was a utopia for the freaks. A lot of people ended up taking it too seriously and I quickly realized that the Transhumanist community as a whole was concerned about the image of this group. My initial reaction of course was to rebel against the Academic world but I also understood why there was so much concern about the image in the first place with Transhumanists already being branded as techno-fascists. There were talks of us being a dangerous paramilitary organization and I was even told that there was an FBI scare related to the Transhuman Separatist movement.

Let me start by saying that I have not reformed my position and become some Xavier or Martin Luther King of oppressed artists. This is not a a Disneyland essay about how I changed my entire belief system for the press or even the lulz. This is about learning to present myself in a way that does not alienate the very people I am seeking to reach. Transhuman Separatism was alienating to the Transhumanist community because it was extremely agitprop in its approach. Not everybody in the world is capable of understanding agitprop and sometimes it is better to use logic and reason than shock tactics to create a revolution.

I left Transhuman Separatism because I wanted to start The Human 2.0 Council. I was no longer in contact with the person I formed the organization with and my views on society ware starting to improve now that I had connected with so many intelligent people. There were other organizations out there that were better at uniting the mutants than I was such as the Real Life Superheros. The point of Transhuman Separatism was to create unity among the creative/oppressed and The Real Life Superheros were living proof of this new mutant society. It was already happening. Did we really need Transhuman Separatism when we had Real Life Superheros? Yet in the end what was really exciting to me was the concept of Transhumanism as a whole which is what lead me to form The Human 2.0 Council.

My interest in Transhumanism far exceeded my interest in “fighting against the sheep” because of all the cybernetic augmentations that were being developed to help people with physical problems. I think is fair to say that if we didn’t have any physical problems we would not have to experience the oppression of human biology. Scientists such as David Pearce were presenting theories like Abolitionism (the use of biotechnology to eliminate suffering) and Aubrey de Grey started the SENS (Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence) Foundation. I have to say that these people were a lot more radical and “on the edge” than I was and that I was beginning to feel embarrassed that my interest in Transhumanism had previously only been philosophical and cyberpunk. There was so much more out there.

I recently saw an article that suggested it was possible to eliminate groupthink without taking militant measures to do so. The article states that “Scientists have identified the part of the brain responsible for controlling whether we conform to expectations and group pressure.” This was extremely inspiring to me as someone who views groupthink as the major problem with Humanity 1.0. There was no longer a reason to go around calling myself a Separatist of any sort when I had found Transhumanism. Ray Kurzweil was able to map out the Technological Singularity in a Scientific manner, and not as a utopian fantasy but an upcoming reality. We do not need to separate from one another to separate from groupthink. Max Stirner refers to a Union of Egoists which is now possible with modern technology. The Human 2.0 Council is a union of Extreme Futurists and our philosophical dreams are being awakened with the Extreme Futurist Festival in December. We are donating 10% of proceeds to the SENS Foundation.

In a perfect world there would have been no disagreement between Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. In a perfect world Magneto and Xavier would have quit their petty infighting and realized that separating from their own tribe based on issues such as “is violence good or evil?” were a symptom of baseline humanity or Human 1.0. People holding up arms against their government and people flashing peace signs would have stood together as one movement. The new revolution. The rising up of the oppressed. The freedom to exist without oppression. Humanity 2.0.

So you think that your life is over. Your entire existence has been a struggle and everything that you touch ends up falling apart. You find yourself in a place of darkness that you are unable to escape from. The only emotions you know are hatred and anger which you have learned to glamorize for the sake of art or survival. You do not believe in concepts such finding the light beacause you are too intelligent to believe in mystic jargon. What’s the point in being happy anyway? Isn’t happiness for the unenlightened? The many? The humans?

I have news for you. It is possible to be happy after having been through the worst of the worst. No matter how much trauma you have been through there is a light that you can find. No matter how far into the depths of human depravity you have plunged: no matter how much terror you have witnessed: no matter how many horrible people you have been around: it is possible for you to be happy without sacrificing your knowledge. All it takes is deprogramming yourself from the verbal and emotional abuse that has caused you to sink into this hole.

Step 1: Cut all of the people who make you feel bad about yourself out of your life. In extreme cases like mine this may mean both your spouse and your mother. Acquaintances are another factor. How many people are you in contact with who make you feel bad about yourself? Get rid of these people no matter how many mutual friends you have. They are not going to help you advance in any way. You may feel like you need these people to survive but it is better to be sinking alone than swimming with people who will end up drowning you. Let yourself sink alone and you will realize that you no longer want to sink. Now you have no choice but to learn how to swim.

Step 2: Accept that you may not be able to swim as well as someone like Amanda Palmer or the organizers of SXSW. Accept that your theme camp may not be the most exciting attraction on the playa. Admit that you may have a difficult hand or disposition and that life is not fair. Do not fall into a mystic trap and blame this on being enlightened, cursed, etc. Now swim as hard and as fast as you can. Do not look back. If you can get through this struggle you can get through anything. Some day Amanda Palmer may be coming to you for advice and some day you may have the most exciting theme camp at Burning Man. Things like this often change overnight with a simple news article or collaboration. Yet in the end you should not be comparing yourself to other people. What matters is what you are doing with the cards you have been dealt.

Step 3: Make the decision not to be a pity machine. Realize that nobody is going to feel bad for you if you live in a country like America. If you have a semi-large audience who is understanding of your struggle this may be difficult. For every 5 people who wish you well there are 15 people who wish you would get over yourself. I hate to put it that way but this is a lesson that I learned the hard way. Discussing your personal issues is never a good way to advance yourself. It may get you support from the people who truly care about you and it may even thin out the herd but it will not improve your life in the long run. It is a temporary solution to a much greater problem. Having a supportive network of friends is very important but taking action to improve your life is the only way to get out of your hole.

Step 4: Do things that make you happy. Think about what brings you joy and make a list of these things. Do not look for other people who are living in darkness so you can feel a sense of community. Look for people who are living happy lives and invite them to hang out. Form a new community. Read an uplifting book or listen to an uplifting song. (uplifting does not have to = vapid) Engage in a new hobby. Attend an event that will completely shift your perspective. Try something you have always been curious about. Let yourself go. This is your life and you are free to do whatever you want with it.

Step 5: Have a plan for success. Make sure that everything you do is related to this plan. Live and breathe success. Become an inspiration to other people. Do not think of yourself as a trainwreck. View yourself as someone who is getting back on track. Remember that for every 5 people in your way there are 15 people who will support your new direction. There are nice people everywhere and many of them are successful. Some have also found the light after dwelling in darkness. Some have been even worse off than you have. Consider yourself a successful person who has not yet reached your full potential. Consider this a time of healing and change.

A year ago I told myself I would quit spending so much time with online socializing and start blogging more. A few months ago my Facebook account was deleted and my private information was revealed to thousands of people. I have no idea why but for some sick reason I continued to socialize on Facebook. I’m not sure if it was my desire to show that I could live a functional life online in the midst of being a digital stalking target or if it was something more deep rooted and psychological.

Did I not have any friends in real life? Why was I relying on my social network as a support group? Was it the immediate gratification of receiving a response as opposed to the back-and-forth-texting? Whatever was going on I was obviously in some type of crisis. I had real life friends but they were spread throughout the country due to my constant traveling. They were isolated like me and plugged into the world of online socializing themselves. I felt like very few people wanted to see me in person because my digital output was easier to deal with than my physical output. Whatever was going on it was definitely not healthy and I was headed down a very lonely path. Did I have to give up socializing online to find myself again?

Absolutely. I deleted my Facebook account after a few episodes that involved my ex-husband relentlessly using my social network as a vehicle to get me back with him. I refused to sit around and watch him play these games with my community. This was the final straw in regards to deleting my Facebook and it took far too long for me to arrive here. It is often hard for me to see what is around me and I will need a drastic event to take notice of the truth. Most people in my position would have left the Internet ages ago with so much adversity. So what kept me socializing online? Why so much masochism?

I believe that it had to do with my impatience. I often had issues of burning importance and could not wait for a friend to text me back about them. Phone calls were a thing of the past. I did not have a family that I could turn to for support. In truth I did not have much of anything. I socialized online out of desperation. It was all that I felt I was capable of. Real life involved navigating a physical space that I was at constant war with. I didn’t need to worry about dropping objects online: about interrupting conversations: about breaking things: about navigating: about accidentally cutting someone in line: about not understanding my surroundings: about clearing a room. Socializing online was my defeat.

I am done being defeated. I need to accept that while living online may be easier than living in real life it is not a solution. It can become a point of no return. In deleting my Facebook account I decided to get back on my feet and give real life another try. I currently feel a bit unequipped but at least I am trying. There must be a way that I can develop a real group of friends: move past all the verbal abuse from my family: start attracting nicer people: feeling generally content. At this point I might even say that I have a better chance of making it in real life than I do on the Internet. A walk on the beach is much nicer than a digital conversation about one. Even if I trip and fall in the sand a few times.

Cyberstalking = when a person is followed and pursued online. Their privacy is invaded and their every move is watched. It is a form of harassment that can disrupt the life of the victim and leave them feeling very afraid and threatened. Here is my question. Can anything be done about this?

As many of you know I am the target of a resentful/predatory cyberstalker who has over hundreds of victims. This guy has been after me for over a decade and is hiding in his basement to avoid being served with various restraining orders. (not to mention that thousands of people want him dead) He has dedicated his life to destroying my career as a multi-media artist and inflicting severe emotional distress on me. From spreading libel about me to my business contacts to impersonating people in any industry I work in to sending my friends and family infant rape fantasies about me this guy is absolutely relentless.

I once thought I was his only target until his other victims began contacting me. He was sending us child pornography and threatening to kill us along with impersonating our dead relatives. We started a support network and put all of our case numbers together to make this a federal matter. What now? The hunt for my stalker continues yet has been unsuccessful as of now. The FBI having bigger fish to fry. The police say that he is “good at what he does.”

Can people like this be stopped if they cannot be found? Many people blame Internet anonymity on cyberstalking but I strongly disagree with that sentiment. Anonymity does not create predatory cyberstalkers. Predatory cyberstalkers create predatory cyberstalkers. Without anonymity targets of cyberstalkers have their personal information exposed and are at a much greater risk. In my How Facebook Deleted My Ass article I discussed how my account was deleted because I was accused of impersonating myself. I am no longer allowed to go by my copyrighted pseudonym and thousands of people are now aware of my full first and last name.

Getting rid of Internet anonymity (the ultimate goal of Facebook) is extremely dangerous and certainly not the solution. Is there a solution to Cyberstalking? Nobody seems to have found one yet. People who aren’t in the know say the solution is to “just ignore them” but these people have never been targets of professional stalkers like mine. Here is some background information I have found on Cyberstalking for those of you who are curious about the subject.

“Cyberstalking usually occurs with women or children who are stalked by adult predators or pedophiles. Cyberstalkers have no fear of physical violence since they believe that they cannot be physically touched in cyberspace. Their main targets are mostly women, and children, who are viewed as emotionally weak or unstable. While it is believed that over 75% of the victims are women, sometimes men are also the targets of cyberstalking. Stalkers can comprehensively use the Internet in order to slander and endanger their victims. In such cases, the cyberstalking takes on a public, rather than a private, dimension.

As noted by Gilbert (1999): In real life, stalkers usually stalk in proximity to their victims—they want the victim to see them and know they are there—they feed on the victim’s reaction. On the internet, proximity takes on a new meaning. The stalker exploits the workings of the Internet to assume control over the targeted victim. (Ogilvie, 2000).

Resentful stalker motivations: (Indianchild.com, 2000)

Sexual Harassment

This should not surprise anyone, especially women, since sexual harassment is also a very common experience offline. The internet reflects real life and consists of real people and is not a separate, regulated, or sanctified world.

Revenge and Hate

Revenge vendettas are often the result of something you may have said or done online which may have offended someone.”

I’ll say this one more time. Anonymity does not create predatory cyberstalkers. Predatory cyberstalkers create predatory cyberstalkers. We need a solution that is much better than taking away our right to anonymity. Does anybody have one?

I’m gonna start video blogging. I’m a blogger who makes videos so why not? I filmed this alone on my iPhone so the camera might be a little off. What do you guys think? If these videos start getting more views I’m gonna work on getting some better equipment.

[ Making music and discussing how much I'm going to miss this place before eviction ]

Who knows what I’ll make a video about next? Feel free to leave me suggestions!

Here is the video I made for the “It Gets Better” campaign to fight against gay teen suicide and cyberbullying. I encourage all of you to make your own.

longing

i’m waiting for the thought police to arrest me
after traveling past every stop sign
shouting “fire!” in the crowded theater
i’m waiting for them to fight me
i’m waiting to get on television
for every taboo that i shared with the world
till they begged and cried for release
breaking the silence in the public library
remaining on the train when the voice said to exit
please exit please exit
i showed the forbidden to the unsuspecting
broke them out of their stupors with militant force
without using a single weapon
so i’m waiting for the thought police to acknowledge me
just a wink of recognition
i need to know that they know i exist
that what i’m doing is somehow worth it
so i’m waiting for them to drag me into a prison
with the greatest thought criminals of all time
i want to be on their top ten most wanted list
a dangerous thinker on the loose
the poster will be more provocative
than the album covers i framed to frighten the masses
murder mystery mindfuck noir
this is my genre
and i’m waiting
for the thought police to arrest me
just one last time just one more time
so i can go to sleep happy
and wake up in peace

(c) Rachel Haywire | 8/8/10

popular

one day i’ll be popular
not popular like the queen bee of some social clique
but popular like her arch nemesis who overthrows the high school dance
infamous
beautiful outcasts from all over the world
will quote me and email me and form opinions on me
and discuss me for hours and hours
i’ll be to the underground what angelina jolie is to hollywood
too much to handle
too bright for the room
the icon you’re afraid of clicking on
and everybody will scream my name
especially when they beat their girlfriends

one day i’ll be popular
compared to junkies and prostitutes and martyrs
only with tattoos and piercings to make things a bit more current
my range of influence will cover anybody who’s ever been kicked out
kicked at
kicked on
the cutting edge couldn’t handle us
and that’s only a compliment if you’re having delusions of grandeur

but one day i’ll be popular
kids will write to me right before they kill themselves
people will drop my name to get spots at night clubs
whether it’s mindless praise or mindless slander it’s still pretty mindless
and their name is still on the flyer
people will unite against me and for me and to me
and with each other about me
people who have never met me will talk about all of our wild interactions

one day i’ll be popular
i’ll have thousands of friends but nobody to talk to
the rotating door will explode
stop caring so much about what other people think of you
it’s not the kind of fame i wanted
but the high school dance was so boring
and the queen bee of that social clique was so nasty

but one day – and maybe not today or even tomorrow – but one day
and i know it
i’ll be respected
people will stop talking about me
they’ll talk to me instead
introduce themselves without trying to impress or belittle me
and i’ll try not to tell them
about how i used to be popular

(c) Rachel Haywire | 6/28/10

I’ve decided to become a blogger now. An actual blogger as opposed to another voice on facebook on twitter. One of the things that people like about Experiment Haywire is that they get to know me as a person and that I’m not living in some ivory tower. It’s easy to get a hold of me.

Not everything that I say makes people happy but one thing I will never be is fake-to-appease-the-masses. I think it’s silly that I should have to “watch what I’m saying” online when I’ve worked this hard to establish my own company where I don’t need to follow social rules. Yet I must admit that posting so much personal information to my social networks (and posting about legal issues, music industry drama, etc.) was a pretty stupid move. It’s hard for me to realize the obvious sometimes but a few good friends confronted me and I didn’t lash out on them. Instead I decided to fix the problem. Confrontation doesn’t cause me to lash out. Being passive aggressive does. I have made a lot of mistakes and I would like to correct them.

I will still be talking to people on facebook on twitter through personal messages and I will still be making public posts. Many of them will lead here. This website is currently being redesigned and ever since LiveJournal I have seriously missed blogging. So here it begins. A new blog. Where I can have social rants, discuss my personal issues, post updates about my music, share lyrics, share feelings, and do whatever the hell I want without the limitation of 140 characters.

-Rachel Haywire

Hey all,

Thanks to all of you for the support over the past few years. Or maybe just the past few months. Or maybe from the beginning. People say that there is a rotating door and that no matter how many people leave there will always be new people to take their place. Yet some of you have been here with me from day one and that is something I will never forget. I want you guys to know I read all of your emails and only wish that I had the time to respond to everybody. I do what I can. I consider my long time fans to be my friends.

Anyone who asked for a free code for “Cooler Than Genocide” has been given one. If your code didn’t work please let me know. It’s through fighting against fascism that we can make the world of music a better place. I’m not just talking about the underground either. I’m talking about everywhere. There have been some recent changes in EH that I would like to mention. I guess the main thing is that I’m no longer considering my project industrial. I’m sure you guys have a bunch of questions so I’m going to try to answer everything now.

Will this effect your sound?

Not at all. I produce the music that I choose to and will continue to do so. While I’m currently in the process of finding a live band the sound of EH is not going to shift. My live shows will be more rock-oriented but the music on “Grrl Interrupted” will be pure electro. There’s a bit of breakcore too.

Will this effect your image?

My image is constantly changing.

So did the assholes win?

I don’t think so. I’m not switching genres because I was forced out. I was forced out ages ago. I’m switching genres because I want to be exposed to a wider group of people. I also feel that I’m a bit idealistic for the industrial subgenre in its current incarnation. When people tell me I’m the one who brought them into the scene I feel a mixed reaction. If industrial was full of people like me I never would have formed this project. Yet I don’t always need to be the odd one out. I’m sick of feeling like a hippie (not sure what else to call it) and want to be in a genre full of people who are more accepting of my personality. With rock anything and everything goes. There’s also the fact that I want more opportunities for gigs and genuinely miss rocking out. I started out fronting rock bands. I miss playing live with a full band.

Will industrial ever be a nicer place?

Not all genres want kindness forced upon them. I think we did a pretty good job though. RANT (Rivetheads Against Nazi Thugs) has almost 1000 members and will never die.

Will this effect machineKUNT?

Nope. There are several industrial bands on my label and I’m not going to tell them to change their genre. My personal affairs have nothing to do with my label. In the past few years machineKUNT grew from a tiny all-female record label to an international music and modeling agency full of alternative talent.

What are you currently working on?

“Sanity is Slavery” and “Grrl Interrupted.” It’s the same as it ever was. Nothing has really changed. This is simply a new beginning. Or a new ending. Take your pick.

Love,
Rachel Haywire